loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
