Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
