you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
