No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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