My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
