I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I will be naked everywhere
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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