remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
