The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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