Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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