i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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