We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
