I cockslap morals
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
