his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
