You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
