I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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