Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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