I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
