??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
