you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
