i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
