i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
