Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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