Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
