Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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