My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
