Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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