Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
