Barsexuality is the new black.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
