um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
