she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
