So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
