i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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