weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
