I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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