Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
