so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we're making bets on your personal life
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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