Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
