Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
