If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
