I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
