I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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