It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
