Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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