there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
