I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
