I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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