Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
