i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
