Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
