Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
