Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
