Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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